Ant Man

Liv­ing near the CBD means you get to sam­ple human per­son­al­i­ties from a wide range of demo­graph­ic pos­si­bil­i­ties.  And much of this can be viewed from the com­fort of one’s balcony.

Take “Ant Man” for instance.

Across the road in Haig Park is one of those large ant nests where the ants go crazy if you step with­in their strict ant bound­aries.  Most peo­ple show mutu­al respect and leave the ants alone.

We used to watch Ant Man walk calm­ly over to the ants nest – in his best thongs – and step on as many of the ants as he could in one ses­sion.  He even used to jump around as they would get the bet­ter of his bare feet.

Then the arms race began.

Long Live the Ants

Ant Man, not sat­is­fied with the dam­age he could do with his hum­ble thongs, decid­ed to up the ante (pun intend­ed for enjoy­ment).  Ant Man got him­self a small stick.  He poked and prod­ded that nest and stabbed away with extreme prejudice.

A few days lat­er, he returned with a big­ger stick – one which he could use to strike down upon the ants with great vengeance and furi­ous anger.

Much to our sur­prise, his next weapon of choice was a ham­mer.  Obvi­ous­ly he had giv­en this a lot of thought.  How­ev­er, the ham­mer only showed up once – so it was either deemed inef­fec­tu­al, or he sim­ply mis­placed it.

In his most recent attack, Ant Man moved into tyran­ni­cal dic­ta­tor ter­ri­to­ry – he decid­ed that chem­i­cal war­fare would be the final solu­tion.  He had pur­chased him­self some kind of bug killer and unleashed death from above with a calm and con­sis­tent spray, emp­ty­ing out the entire con­tents of the can.

We haven’t seen Ant Man for almost a week.  I can’t be sure why this is, but I know the ants have sur­vived the bru­tal wave after wave of attacks.  They are ants.

I have often con­sid­ered call­ing the RSPCA, or putting a sign on the ants nest say­ing “Stop killing the ants!”, or even some kind of boo­by trap (but there are prob­a­bly legal ram­i­fi­ca­tions with that one). 

Here’s hop­ing Ant Man has giv­en up on his ant geno­cide cru­sade and is not build­ing a weapon of mass destruc­tion. Even a con­tained nuclear det­o­na­tion would not be good for Haig Park’s already slight­ly tar­nished reputation.