Ant Man

Liv­ing near the CBD means you get to sam­ple human per­son­al­i­ties from a wide range of demo­graph­ic pos­si­bil­i­ties.  And much of this can be viewed from the com­fort of one’s bal­cony.

Take “Ant Man” for instance.

Across the road in Haig Park is one of those large ant nests where the ants go crazy if you step with­in their strict ant bound­aries.  Most peo­ple show mutu­al respect and leave the ants alone.

We used to watch Ant Man walk calm­ly over to the ants nest – in his best thongs – and step on as many of the ants as he could in one ses­sion.  He even used to jump around as they would get the bet­ter of his bare feet.

Then the arms race began.

Long Live the Ants

Ant Man, not sat­is­fied with the dam­age he could do with his hum­ble thongs, decid­ed to up the ante (pun intend­ed for enjoy­ment).  Ant Man got him­self a small stick.  He poked and prod­ded that nest and stabbed away with extreme prej­u­dice.

A few days lat­er, he returned with a big­ger stick – one which he could use to strike down upon the ants with great vengeance and furi­ous anger.

Much to our sur­prise, his next weapon of choice was a ham­mer.  Obvi­ous­ly he had giv­en this a lot of thought.  How­ev­er, the ham­mer only showed up once – so it was either deemed inef­fec­tu­al, or he sim­ply mis­placed it.

In his most recent attack, Ant Man moved into tyran­ni­cal dic­ta­tor ter­ri­to­ry – he decid­ed that chem­i­cal war­fare would be the final solu­tion.  He had pur­chased him­self some kind of bug killer and unleashed death from above with a calm and con­sis­tent spray, emp­ty­ing out the entire con­tents of the can.

We haven’t seen Ant Man for almost a week.  I can’t be sure why this is, but I know the ants have sur­vived the bru­tal wave after wave of attacks.  They are ants.

I have often con­sid­ered call­ing the RSPCA, or putting a sign on the ants nest say­ing “Stop killing the ants!”, or even some kind of boo­by trap (but there are prob­a­bly legal ram­i­fi­ca­tions with that one). 

Here’s hop­ing Ant Man has giv­en up on his ant geno­cide cru­sade and is not build­ing a weapon of mass destruc­tion. Even a con­tained nuclear det­o­na­tion would not be good for Haig Park’s already slight­ly tar­nished rep­u­ta­tion.